Over and Over Again (YOH10)
The Year of the Hummingbird Series: October
Sabriya Dobbins, Founder and Life Discovery Expert
My heart was leaping with pure joy as I entered the library. It had been years since I had entered a public library since my college days, and I was just so warm and cozy in my soul walking into the building. I have always been an avid reader, and the library was my home. I was back home, far from my home state of NC, where I spent my time in libraries. This library in Orlando was my new home.
I was greeted by smiling faces when I walked in. It felt so exciting to meet the sweet Ms. Linda as she took off like a rocket to start our session. But not without some pleasant small talk with the other ladies first. I learned a little about them and their experiences. They were so intrigued when I explained my Year of the Hummingbird journey! After Ms. Linda’s quick explanation of how crochet is different from knitting and demonstration of how it works, we were off to the crocheting.
When I tell you, I fell flat on my face, honey…I fell FLAT on my face. “Overachiever Sabriya” did not pick this up as I had hoped. I had been good at a handweaving activity that I used to do in the past as a child, where I would make these colorful and elaborate ropes. That long-lost talent was nowhere to be found! I assumed the crochet hook would not be too hard. I was wrong. While the other ladies picked up pretty quickly, I was truly the “slow dog” in the race. Some of the ladies were returning as more veteran crocheters, so they were there to make something amazing.
I was a bit embarrassed that Ms. Linda had to literally come over to my side of the table and really talk me through how to do the process. My hands were sweaty, and I was nervous. I kept apologizing for my sweaty hands, and she told me not to worry. She tried to help me adjust my stiff fingers, but my uncoordinated hands were not trying to listen. After a few more attempts, she began to cheer as I had finally gotten the hang of it. She happily exclaimed: “Yes, you have got it!” Her African accent was gentle and genuine. I felt like a child again being praised for finally figuring out a problem. I almost called myself dumb for not getting it, yet she cut me off very quickly there.
Then, to my disbelief, she suggested I undo all that I did and start over again. I froze. What if I could not duplicate my success again? It made me so nervous. I cut off the piece that I had completed because I could not bear to part with it, and I started a new version with the help of a kind peer in the group (pictured in this blog). After some stumbles, I was able to finally get back and really find my flow!
The first part is a bit complicated as you have to make a pretzel shape in the yarn. Once you create the shape, there is a special pull that you make, and then you spend time over and over creating a “chain pattern” to start your first line of crochet. The hardest part is getting the loop to go through the other loop on the hook cleanly. My final product was really a piece of thickened yarn, but I was proud.
Sweet Ms. Linda tried to help me with a single loop crochet to make my project into something more, however, I realized that my brain capacity was not having it! I trusted my gut and wrapped up my day. She pushed for me to order my own kit and not to give up as it requires practice over and over again. Even the veterans explained how Ms. Linda made them crochet and re-crochet for hours before progressing to more complicated projects. She was ADAMANT about not giving in to the frustration.
I learned that if I stop immediately just because I am not good at something, I do not create room to see what being good at something feels like. Growing up being good at many things, I noticed I have a habit of giving up on things I struggle with more quickly. This was an opportunity to overcome this challenge. So, I made the commitment and ordered a set. I am going to try to work on this doggone crochet chain anytime I can.
I am going to use this as a challenge to push past the “I am not good at this” assumption so that I can see the fruits of effort in watching myself transform from NO TALENT to a little bit of TALENT, haha. Follow my journey here, and wish me luck!
Here’s to crocheting on the way to my next YOH11 adventure...stay tuned!
Thank you to Ms. Linda at Hiawassee Branch Library for the profound encouragement and kindness in her words. It brought tears to my eyes to hear the sincere praise and support she gave me in the process and a reminder to never give up.
