I Don’t Always Feel Grateful and Here’s What I Do About It
Personal Narrative by Sabriya Dobbins, Founder of Project Passport
Sometimes I feel like I am just the most spoiled brat. Let me explain. I get so frustrated in my circumstances because things are not going as planned and no matter how hard I try, I cannot even acknowledge what is working out. The irritation of my present circumstances supersedes anything good happening around me, and I just want to roll over in my misery until…well until whenever it stops. I just don’t feel GRATEFUL. I admit it. It is embarrassing because here I am teaching other people how to be grateful and I do not always feel it myself.
Here is the thing. I forgot to mention one little part about myself, and that is I am HUMAN. Human Being, that is. I realize that what makes me human more than anything is understanding I am not perfect and that I have flaws. I have emotions, which can override my logic sometimes. I can get caught up in the chaos in front of me and cannot see the positive lights in the midst of it all.
Photo by Ross Sneddon on Unsplash
So, first, I want you to drop the act. Stop pretending you are okay all of the doggone time when you know good and well you want to cry and/or scream. You are on team human being too and you have a right to not always feel good. Sometimes I feel sick of seeing all of these pretty posts of pretty lives of pretty people and it is like no one wants to be real anymore. No one wants to share what they really feel. I remember just reading an article about a social media influencer who traveled the world with the most amazing pictures, and she took her life.
Trigger alert: We are not immune to suicide just because we seem or pretend to be alright.
While we all know we are “supposed” to be grateful that we have certain things, we do not always feel like what we have is enough. Or maybe it just is not what we want. We are taught to believe gratitude is basically the phrase: “Well at least I have [Fill in the item].” But when you are in your moment of heartbreak or frustration, you can care less about what you have.
I challenge you to look at your life as a flowing journey rather than “snapshots of random gratitude items” when you are feeling really fed up.
For example, maybe you are having a hard time in your marriage or relationship at the moment, so you cannot stand your partner right now. Assuming you do love them and want to work it out, think about where you both were one year ago, two years ago, five years ago, and so on. Map it out. Look at the major milestones and checkpoints you have overcome together. Maybe you are successfully living together, finally. You did your first trip together. You had your first hard conversation. You opened up about something personal. You bought something big together. Think about all of those checkpoints. Is your relationship more mature and further along than you realized? Take a moment and bask in appreciating that journey because a huge chunk of society cannot even pull it off if they wanted to.
Let’s look at your career. You are annoyed because you feel like a failure and you should be much further. Well think about 1 year ago, what certifications, skills, promotions, or degrees have you gained since then? Where were you three years ago? Still trying to finish your degree, barely could get a job? Five years? And so on. I think about myself as a business leader. I had no idea what I was doing just a few short years ago and now I have protocols and people who trust me deeply to guide the ship of business. I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I am definitely not where I was before. I have an expertise and knowledge that has grown immensely, and the years have shown this to be true. We always want to be further, but have we even seen how far we have walked? Map it out. Write down the checkpoints you have hit up until now.
Maybe you overcame something really tough. An abusive situation. A horrible loss. A really bad accident. Something really big happened to you months or even years ago. You were broken and torn apart bad back then. Somehow you have the ability to keep going right now. Somehow you were able to move forward no matter how hard it hurt. That counts… and it counts big time! What happened during that time? Where was your mind then? Where are you now emotionally?
Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash
Gratitude is not just being glad you have food (which is really good) or a house (which is amazing too), or a car (which is great). Those are all super important, don’t get me wrong. However, sometimes your mind does not do well focusing on those things when you are frustrated. Gratitude is being able to acknowledge where you are compared to where you were before. It is being able to look back and be proud of what you have overcome and how you have evolved in the process. It is mapping out and celebrating the journey of checkpoints to lead you to where you are today.
Gratitude is saying: “Out of everything on this journey, I have become _______ person and that is enough for me right now.”
You may not want to sniff the roses. You may not want to celebrate the sun. While those are beautiful things, maybe your tough moment is happening to remind you that the biggest miracle all along is YOU. Who you are today is leaps and bounds further than who you were then. Trust me, I am right. Reflect back and see for yourself.
This may be a controversial message, but it is my truth, and I am grateful I could share it today as I would not have had the guts just even a year ago.
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Project Passport is a proactive mental wellness company that aims to bring mental wellness retreats, workshops and other services to company teams. We also help women create joy in their lives every step of the way. To learn more about our company retreats and services, click here. To learn more about our tribe community for women, click here. Our travel retreats will resume in the future as the world reopens.
Blog preview photo by: Johnny Cohen on Unsplash