By Tiara Butler

Depression is a type of possession. It uses your body as a host for its destructive ways; parasitically feeding off any negative thoughts or feelings that enter your mind. It leaves you fighting for control of your own body, as it makes every decision for you. It consumes you from the inside, out. It starts with the destruction of your mind until your whole body breaks down and there is nothing left for it to control or possess, accomplishing what it was created to do; destroy.

The depressed are like zombies, walking among the people of today. Empty, no energy, lifeless, and just going through the motions of every day. The only difference being that the depressed sleep (occasionally) and don’t eat brains. Oddly enough, the depressed often don’t want to use their brain.

Part of the everyday attire for the depressed is a fake smile. Most people smile because they are happy or are enjoying themselves, but the depressed are neither. The smile is merely used to give the impression of happiness. The depressed constantly have to tell themselves “smile, look as if nothing is wrong. Look normal. Don’t give anyone a reason to ask ‘What’s wrong?’ or ‘Are you okay?’ Remember to smile”.

Depression allows you to see all that is going on in your life, but leaves you with no control over any of it. You are a prisoner in your own mind and body. People can see who’s on the outside, but no one can see who’s on the inside. You try to break free and let them know that “this is the real me, not the one that you see!” You are stuck living a life that you have not made, a life of isolation.

Depression brings you to the point where there is rarely anything you want to do, anyone you want to spend time with, places you want to go; confining you to your room. Depression defies you of your need to eat, sleep, and often times your need to live. It leaves you with a feeling of emptiness, sucking out every ounce of goodness that you were able to see, surrounding you with nothing. Depression takes away your sense of self-worth.

Depression makes you feel heavy, sometimes as if there is a million tons of negativity on your chest suffocating you or holding you down to the floor of a body of water so you drown, never seeing the light of day. We all search for happiness in our life, having one’s ability to see and seek goodness be clouded with nothing but negativity can drive one to believe their life is worthless and that there’s no longer a point in living, because there is no other escape from being prisoner in your own mind and body. The hardest part about it all is being controlled by something that you don’t know how to defeat. And you feel like there is no sense on fighting a battle you can’t win.

Read her full narrative here.

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Suicide Prevention Help:

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

HopeLine: 877-235-4525 (local to NC)

Visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ for more support resources.

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Project Passport is a proactive mental wellness company that aims to bring mental wellness retreats, workshops and other services to company teams. We also help women create joy in their lives every step of the way. To learn more about our company retreats and services, click here. To learn more about our tribe community for women, click here. Our travel retreats will resume in the future as the world reopens.