Relationships: When is it Time to Walk Away?
Interview with Stephanie Santiago by Bri Ryerson, Wellness Operations Intern
Stephanie Santiago is a licensed mental health counselor of four years located in Orlando, Florida. Stephanie obtained her Bachelors of Science degree in Psychology from the University of Central Florida and her Masters of Science degree in Psychology and Counseling from Troy University. She owns and operates iDeal Counseling Co. which specializes in depression, anxiety, grief, loss, substance use, trauma, cultural identity problems, work conflict, and family and peer conflict with adults and adolescents.
Relationships, either romantic or platonic, are of a great importance to us as human beings. We crave affection, and sometimes when we receive that affection, it is hard for us to realize that this relationship is no longer beneficial.
It is imperative that we learn the signs of a toxic relationship, in both romance and otherwise, for the benefit of our mental health and overall wellbeing.
Walking Away From Non-Romantic Relationships
“It is important to find what you value and what is important to you… this can help identify what you do not seek in a relationship” Orlando-based counselor Stephanie says. The more you are sure of what you want and what will benefit you in a relationship, the easier it is to seek out those positive relationships and decipher which ones you should continue to keep.
“Also identifying a healthy way to bring up how to terminate the relationship with communication and how your needs have not been met… we have to keep healthy boundaries.” Stephanie explains that reaching out to a professional for support such as a counselor or therapist can help you navigate how to communicate your situation and continue setting healthy boundaries.
The Best Way to Handle a Breakup
After falling off a bike as a child and getting hurt, you might become intimidated by the idea of riding a bike again. However, taking time to heal from the injuries and putting distance between you and the bike might mitigate those negative feelings and push you towards wanting to ride the bike again. Adult relationships function the same way - you are hurt by a relationship but taking time to heal and distancing yourself from distractions makes it easier to get back out there when the time is right.
Stephanie says that the decision of the next best step is really up to the person in situations where relationships are being terminated - mostly because everyone values different things in the midst of their healing process and some people might want to distract themselves while others focus on an inner relationship. She believes that time away from other people and distractions can help one identify what they want in a partner and what would be a “deal breaker” for them.
Toxic Relationships and Infidelity
When it comes to infidelity, some want to work it out between them and their partner, and others choose to walk away. It takes a couple committed to the relationship and to working through things together to move past an issue as extreme as infidelity. Stephanie observes that “if one is unsure or cannot recover [from that] then it would not work”, but that it can be a very tough process that relies on other factors such as why the infidelity occurred.
Many of us have also experienced situations in which our close friends or family members have dealt with infidelity or an unhealthy relationship. How do we navigate supporting our loved ones while also not wanting to see them hurt? It is imperative that we as close friends or family validate that relationships are emotional investments. We need to be empathetic, and also realize that sometimes internal biases get people “stuck” in relationships. Stephanie says we need to “be open and honest that you don’t feel it is healthy but also validate their feelings”.
Navigating relationships, healthy or not, romantic or platonic, can be extremely difficult in any stage of life. That is why it is important to find what we, as individuals, value and know the signs of an unhealthy relationship. I urge you to find trusted professionals to help navigate negative relationship situations and make it a priority to continuously set healthy boundaries in all aspects of your life.