Written by Project Passport Founder, Sabriya Dobbins

Go to college. Check. Get some internships that you don’t really care to do. Check. Graduate and get the degree. Double-check. Now go be an adult and figure out the world. Che—what?! Yep, that is how it goes. Or at least how it went for me. Box by box, moment by moment, I was desperate to check the box. God forbid I miss the check, then the entire train falls apart.

I was once convinced of this whole “completing things off a list” deal more than you will ever know. I was OBSESSED with the checkbox; obsessed to the point that I would literally write or type up my life in a step by step fashion and ACTUALLY check things off as I accomplished them. Down to when I would get my degree in relevance to the timing of children and marriage.

I am not here to bash setting overall goals. By all means, set them and cross them right off the list. But does every little thing in your life have to be a checkbox like it was in mine? Can life have a bit more spontaneity? What if things don’t go as planned? Let’s be honest. If you are a check-boxer like I was, if something shakes the foundation and that box is not checked when it was planned to be checked, all heck breaks lose. Emotional frustration. Feeling like a failure. Devastation and the wave of tears kick in. The anxiety from trying to accomplish things all on a set path is truly crippling.

I mean let me be even more real here. I am technically an accidental entrepreneur. I talked myself out of any of this stuff a million times over. Somehow, I still ended up here and I started my business while not even living in my own home country! Let’s just say my trajectory of MBA to PHD in a career of academia has totally been changed but for the better. Oh, and guess what? I am going to admit it for the world—I am dropping out of my MBA! Yes, and I am doing it for Project Passport. It is my passion and I am willing to dedicate the time and sacrifice it requires. Besides, I had started the MBA because I needed to “checkbox” a graduate degree. Talk about a checkbox now? The whole freaking sea of boxes has crashed into the ocean.

But I have to admit something. I could not be any happier. Letting go of the dreaded checkbox has given me so much peace and yes, I have task lists that meet overall goals. But I don’t have major grips on those timelines because life flows in the way that it needs to. Some things are not for me in the moment while other things are. I learn as I go.

Want a few tips on how to ditch the checkboxes?

1. Throw them in the trash. Literally. Write down everything major that you are bogging yourself down to do on set timelines. Weddings? A house? Specific job? Now throw them away. Breathe. Now determine what you can do each day to contribute to these goals. Don’t set hard core times. Just focus on each day and what needs to be done on the smaller scale to reach the bigger goal.

2. Check yourself! If you spent time checking off all of the things you HAVE accomplished, you won’t feel so pressured to have everything else right in this moment. Write down everything extraordinary that you have done thus far in life and I mean every little detail. Geez, you are amazing and you are so caught up in the now that you are forgetting just how many great things you have already done. Take some pressure off yourself!

3. Shelf the fake dream. If this statement made your heart pound a tad, this is for you. Stop living the dream you think you should have! Don’t do the program if you are doing it just because. Don’t have the baby just because you feel like you have to right now. Don’t take the position if it is not even what you want. If it does not give you joy or it does not take you to a place of joy, then DON’T DO IT!

Where do you think the line is between setting goals and creating a life of checkboxes? Are you a check-boxer looking to seek recovery?

Death to checkboxes. May you rest in peace (or not).

Sincerely,

Sabriya Dobbins, Founder of Project Passport

Learn more about her here.

***

Project Passport is a mental empowerment retreat and event company created to help women connect with one another and gain the tools to improve their lives in the best way possible. Each retreat experience has a unique theme with carefully designed activities to help participants grow and experience transformation. We are making mental wellness the norm, one retreat at a time. Learn more at project-passport.com.